Here’s what I want mothers to understand about anger - especially the kind that bubbles up in early parenthood:

1. Anger is a protective and energising emotion. It’s not just a sign something’s wrong - it mobilises your body to defend you. Anger can be sparked by physical threats, but more often in motherhood it’s triggered by unmet needs, overwhelm, and a deep sense of powerlessness. Unlike sadness, anger is energising - it activates the fight in fight-flight-freeze, flooding us with stress hormones and a sense of urgency. That white-hot, full-body sensation can feel like a fireball building inside. This is why we often seek release - shouting, slamming, or even throwing something. What’s key is learning how to discharge that tension safely and constructively - like doing jumping jacks, shaking it out, or running on the spot - rather than letting it build to eruption.

2. Anger is common in motherhood - yet still hidden. As many as one in three women feel intense anger in the first year postpartum - making it more prevalent than postnatal depression. Half of those also report feeling depressed, while the other half don’t. Anger can stand alone - but when a woman feels both angry and depressed, her low mood often feels more intense and lasts longer. Thanks to the damaging myth of ‘Supermum’, who has us believe we must always be calm, coping and in control, many mums still feel shame for expressing or even feeling anger.

3. Anger often masks deeper pain. Beneath the surface of rage, there’s often grief, shame, or disappointment - a mourning for unmet expectations, lost identity, or the calm, gentle mother we hoped we’d be. Sometimes, anger is the voice of our inner child who didn’t get the care she so needed.

   

4. Suppressing anger harms our bodies. While there’s more conversation around female rage today, many women are still socialised to silence it. But chronic repression of anger comes at a cost: long-term stress, increased inflammation and risk of autoimmune illnesses such as chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. Women who suppress anger are twice as likely to die from heart-related disease. For Black women, who experience some of the highest breast cancer rates, studies have linked the illness to experiences of discrimination and the anger they cause.

   

5. You can learn to work with your anger - and transform it. Our anger story is shaped by what we experienced growing up - whether it was shamed, feared, or acted out destructively. But you don’t have to pass that story on. In my self-paced course, I guide mothers to build emotional awareness, release anger safely, and reparent yourselves with compassion - to become the kind of mother you want to be, free from cycles of perfectionism and control. I also support you to understand what hot moments with your child AND partner trigger in you - to shift unhelpful patterns and get your needs met so you can feel more connected and empowered.

COURSE INFO - CLICK HERE

Refs: Ou, C. H. et al. (2022). Correlates of Canadian mothers’ anger during the postpartum period: a cross-sectional survey. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth, 22(1), 163. Rage Becomes Her - Soraya Chemaly

Dr Boyd Loves…

I’m really enjoying Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ book Women Who Run with the Wolves so far. It’s a soul-stirring invitation to reconnect with our Wild Woman within - the creative, ancient force that lives in every woman. Through myths and fairytales, Estes helps us reconnect with our fierce knowing, honour our tenderness and rage, and reclaim our untamed voice that patriarchy has sought to silence. I’ll write more when I’ve finished it but already, much is resonating, and I’m consciously looking for ways to help me connect with that wild part of me.

I thoroughly recommend Toxic Town, a powerful, painfully sad yet ultimately uplifting Netflix drama. Telling the story of how toxic dust from a former steel plant redevelopment in 1980s/90s Corby led to children born with limb differences.
A tale of heroic working class mothers, Susan McIntyre, Tracey Taylor & Maggie Mahon, who refused to be silenced - their burning rage driving a long battle for social justice. Culminating in a 2009 landmark court victory - the first case to link airborne toxins and congenital conditions.

Dear Life, by Rachel Clarke, is a heart-breaking, heart-opening, life-giving read. She writes about her career change from journalism to medicine, the loss of her beloved father and her decision to specialise in palliative care. Why? Because in end of life care she can offer comfort and compassion to the dying, helping them and their families plan and live out the death they want. As a psychologist who teaches emotional wellbeing to medics, I was fascinated by Clarke’s insights into her own medical training - her experiences of senior doctors who were so busy “sidestepping the matter of death themselves.”

For those of you going into half term - wishing you pockets of peace.

With love,

Caroline x

Some ways I can support you:

1. Join my community and sign up for my self-paced course for mothers.

   🎧Take me with you on buggy walks and listen on the go, attend a Live Q&A with me midway through, and watch live examples of rage with my co-therapist to map out what happens in hot moments - with proven ways to create a pause.

2. For an overview of my work, including accessing 1:1 therapy via my team of associates or ordering my book, click here.